Celibacy and Singleness- The Derb had a good NRO essay yesterday, given a good historical overview of celibacy. Celibacy has become an current-events issues of late given current problems with the Catholic Church and homosexual/pedophile priests.
My tongue-slightly-in-cheek suggestion of a marriage-friendly American Rite brought out some good commentary on celibacy. Emily Stimpson chimed in with this good post
In our hyper-sexed culture, this is becoming increasingly difficult. So many men and women see the universe through the prism of their own sexual desires, that they are blind to the reality of God and a purpose beyond their own temporal fulfillment. ...
We need our celibate religious to give witness to the world of the battle we all have to fight against the downward pull of human nature and the flesh. Celibates remind us that our human nature is not defined by our sexual nature. And, in their very bodies, they represent the total gift of self to God that we all must make.
The answer to the vocations crisis or the failures of some priest to remain chaste is not to do away with the discipline of celibacy. Rather, the Church needs to redouble its efforts at aiding religious and lay Catholics embrace the gifts of celibacy and chastity according to their station in life. The fact that the whole world is lowering the bar on sexual mores is exactly the reason why the Catholic Church absolutely must not join them.
I figure I had better comment on celibacy while I can write about it as an active practitioner, having only 63 days left of it. Our society is so sex-obsessed that people can't easily grasp the idea of a 30 or 40-year-old virgin. They will assume that if is near impossible to live life without sex. Sex is
not a necessity for an individual. It is for a species, but not an individual. That's not to say that I don't have sexual drives, but human intellect guided by the Holy Spirit and our conscience can keep those drives in check.
Paul points out in 1 Corinthians 7 that a single person has the ability to focus on the (hopefully honorable) desires of ones heart without the distraction of having to look after a spouse. A good spouse will have to spend time looking after and nurturing their other half and will have less time to spend on other activities. However, not everyone is cut out to be single. If one's sex drive is so strong as to be distracting and dragging the believer towards sin, then "it is better to marry than to burn with passion."
Also, the built-in fellowship of marriage is another draw for many people. A single life can be lonely and a spouse provides a built-in roomie-buddy. One of my fears, as I got up into my thirties with no prospects for marriage in sight, was the idea of being old and alone, without a family. One of my mom's co-workers is a never-married guy in his early 70s. No kids, no grandkids, no wife, nothing but a dog and a TV to keep him company. That is an example of what I didn't want to see a quarter-century down the line. For the priest or nun, the fellowship of their fellow religious can be a good substitute for family, but the rest of us will struggle with the idea of a lack of emotional as well as sexual intimacy while being single.
Our society, especially for us non-Catholics, doesn't have a good set of role models of mature never-marrieds. You don't see too many healthy people in their late thirties or 40s who haven't been married, especially in a church setting. Most churches are family-oriented, with much of the focus being on parents and children. Those who are single are often a fifth wheel without a good place to fit in within the church structure. Church small groups are frequently couple-oriented, leaving the single person out of place. They also are commonly treated as pre-marrieds, as a lot of focus on single's ministries is on how to find that "special someone God's saving for you." In my case, He waited until I was 39 to bring her into my life, but for many others, there will be no special someone.
The fact that I wound up waiting until I was 40 to get married shouldn't mark me as fatally flawed. It also shouldn't mark me as being homosexual, as anyone of a certain age without a significant other of the opposite sex will be implied to be. Forty-something Steven Den Beste feels the need to point out in his bio "I've never been married, but they tell me that while there's life, there's hope. I'm heterosexual, and my intentions are honorable. I love children." There are quite a few people who were heterosexual and celibate [or at least never married in Den Beste's case] and led productive lives. While I frequently am at odds with their political philosophies, Janet Reno and David Souter are good examples of older, successful, seemingly heterosexual, never-marrieds. [Update 12:30PM-My mental spiel on this predated Bush 43, so I forgot Condi Rice.]
Back when I first started blogging in January, there was a story of an Aussie teen with cancer whose parents set him up with a prostitute so he could experience sex before dying. This got both Kevin and I riled up, for it assumes that life is incomplete without having experienced sex. Life is more than just sex. My recovering-Presbyterian fiancée frequently cites the first part of the Westminster Confession- "The chief end of man is to worship God and to enjoy Him forever." God's given us a fun creation to enjoy while we're in our earthy bodies, but our job is to enjoy Him. Sex is part of that creation, and a good part when enjoyed within marriage. However, there are a lot of other fun parts of creation to keep us happy and content outside of marriage if we let Him lead us to them.
If God wants us in a place where a spouse will get in the way, he'll put enough pleasures and non-sexual intimacies in place to make our singleness bearable. I'm finding that Eileen and I can serve the Lord much better as a team than separately, since we are able to lift each other up through the rough patches. With that mutual support, we seem to have more time and energy to serve Him than before we knew each other. Singleness is not bad, nor is being married. We shouldn't let the sex obsessed secular culture and the marriage-centric church culture get in the way if God truly has a single, celibate life for us as a way to better serve him.
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