Evangelism for Introverts

No, this isn't a how-to post, it's going to be a cry from the heart wondering how to fit in as an introvert in a church that prides itself in extroverted evangelism. I'm not ragging on my old church. This is more of a rag on the capital-c Church, especially the evangelical variant that I've been a part of for just short of two decades; August will mark my 20th anniversary as a follower of Jesus as my Lord and Savior.

However, when I came to the Lord back in August of 1985, I was 24 going on 12 in my social skills; some middle-school era teasing combined with a tender heart had knocked me into a shell as a tween-ager. I've been improving in my ability to handle unstructured settings; I'm now 43 (44th birthday coming on 8/5) going on 23 and a awkward 23 at that.

That doesn't lend itself to go-getter extroverted evangelism. The extroverted pastor will give the call to go out and witness to the mailman and the grocery store clerk, but it runs into two roadblocks. The first is that working into casual conversation isn't easy for me. I'm good in structured settings like classes (where I can be a regular chatterbox), but unstructured settings are rather awkward for me.

The second is that my testimony circles back to a lonely and very depressed 23/24 year old who had tried to commit suicide in Army boot camp a year before finding the Lord through a father who had been blasted by the Holy Spirit earlier in 1985. That testimony will often bring me to tears. There is the victorious side of the testimony of a gradual healing of that depression, of going back to college, seeing my GPA go from a 2.8 to a 3.8 and going on for a Ph.D., becoming a college professor and getting married (and staying so for three years, despite some rough patches for both Eileen and I), but it's more emotional than most people are willing to hear.

God's done a number of things over the last two decades, but He hasn't made me an extrovert. That's not to say that I won't get better in unstructured settings, but I'm more of a Type B person and don't see that changing any time soon. That reflective nature lends itself well to blogging, but not to meatspace outreach.

Most pastors tend to be extroverted; you'll occasionally get some more reflective Type B pastors, but that's the exception to the rule. My local Vineyard pastors are good, godly guys, but they're extroverted folks who don't quite get my cyber-life. An appeal to "spend less time on-line and more time in the real world" doesn't work overly well for me. I've been trying to make "real world" friends for two decades and am not very good at it; conversely, I'm made plenty of on-line friends in the 3.5 years I've been blogging.

Twice this month, we've taken in Sunday services at Father's Heart, a charismatic church in Midland, interesting made up of mostly ex-Vineyard folks (or more accurately ex-New Life Fellowship folks before they hooked up with the Vineyard). I know quite a few people there, some whom were Vineyard expats and others through a Wednesday mornings men's prayer group my Dad's a part of; I went up to a retreat last fall with that bunch.

They lean a bit more on the Pentecostal side of that Bapticostal radical middle, while New Life Vineyard leans a bit more on the Baptist side; I like that extra dose of the Holy Spirit in the worship. However, the folks there seem to be more Type B; one of the things that touched me was that Pastor Tim asked me how my "on-line thing" was going. Instead of looking at me funny when I cried during the worship, I got prayed over.

I'm seriously leaning towards Eileen and I going to church there. I'm feeling more at home there. There were a lot of changes to New Life Vineyard in the two years we were in Florida; a lot of our young adult friends moved away (the young adult home group Eileen and I met in disbanded) and the church became a notch more Type A. In addition, the free-flowing, more-Spirit-filled nature of the Lakeland Vineyard service and their emphasis on community made me expect more in a church.

It's not that New Life Vineyard is a bad church; it's a very good one. It's just not the best church for me right now. As it gets more extroverted, my Type B giftings seem to be left on the shelf. I'd like to be more than just a parishoner, and I'm not a good fit with the leadership's style.

[Update 9AM 6-28-After a men's prayer meeting this morning, that "seriously leaning" got changed to "merely thinking about." I got stuff in this post and one in the wee house of this morning off my chest, and am now more in the mode of making the best of being at New Life.]

I've tried for two decades to fit into that extroverted evangelism meme; it doesn't work for me. Rather than feel guilty about not going door-to-door, I think I'm going to accept where I am, hope to get gradually better in interpersonal communications, and witness in ways that I excel at, like this blog.

There are probably quite a few people out that who are put on guilt trips each time you get an personal evangelism push at church; for many of us, it's not a lack of will, but a lack of emotional and/or social skill ability, that keeps us from being free-wheeling evangelists. You're not heartless, faithless bums, and don't let Satan tell you otherwise.
Satan's been telling me otherwise for far too long.

There's a place in God's kingdom for sensitive, reflective types. It's not easy to claim, but it's there. I've spent a lot of time in prayerful tears the last few days coming to that conclusion. I'm not quite sure that Father's Heart is that place, but it seems to be a better bet. [Update 9AM 6-28; not quite yet. Now that I've vented, I'm more in the mood to stick it out.]

Comments

[Joel Thomas]

According to the tests, I'm right on the borderline between and introvert and an extrovert. I find it much easier to make friends in person. I've been absolutely horrible at making on-line friends -- the count is up to four now. Of course, I don't have my own blog but just guest blog. That makes some difference. But I find it somewhat hard to trust people whose voice I haven't heard or whose body language hasn't been on display.

I grew up in a setting where worship was more quiet and reflective. I have no cherished idea that there is a right or wrong way to worship or witness if it is sincere and Christ-driven. I do worry, at times, however, that some aspects of worship have become commercialized or entertainment driven. I get concerned that some people believe that in order to be "spiritually on fire" one must display extremely extroverted behavior or even particular types of emotional responses.

Back to "blog friends." One thing I've learned, at least for me, is that there are more people motivated to send e-mails with warnings of being a heretic, that I am bound for hell or suggesting that I move to another country than to tell me they liked, or at least respected something I wrote, even if disagreeing.

In my younger years I was hospitalized for depression twice and went through several electro-convulsive treatments. There are some scars, but even scars are evidence of healing.

Finally, there is a place for introverted witnessing. The truth is that at a younger age, I would have been extremely put off by anyone witnessing who displayed loud, brash or assertive behavior. I always did better if one or two people would sit quietly by me, maybe on a starlit night, maybe on the riverbank, and just speak of God's love or how they were changed by it. For me, the absolute worst witnessing was people handing me materials to read. "Read this and it'll change your life" was always the promise. Well, it never did. Then there was the time some "lay witness" folks came to church and told how after they had found God they had been blessed with large homes, swimming pools, boats, etc. To a depressed teenager, those things meant absolutely nothing.

I have been turned off by a lot of the blogging Christian community. It isn't their claims that absolute truth exists (I think it does) that bothers me, it is their insistence that they know it and that I must not be reading my Bible or else I would know the same truth they know.

[Peter Sean Bradley]

Many of us have a problem of fitting into social expectations that we are not called to fit. I have a client whose problem is that he is a tall, muscular sheriff's deputy with a calm confidence that makes him a "babe magnet." That doesn't sound like a problem but he has also has a genius level IQ which puts him head and shoulders above his fellow officers, who resent him for it. Also, this guy is frankly tired of being treated with the patronizing attitude we give to "big muscular lunks."

In some ways his body type pushed into playing a role other than the one he secretly longs for. Strip him out of that linebacker physique, and I'd bet that he'd have chosen to be a lawyer or a college professor. Also, he beleives he has a calling to put himself into a role where he could help others by going "into harms way" for them.

So what's the point of the story? So, we all have our callings and we all wish we could be something we are not. Wisdom is found by changing what we can, accepting what we must and knowing the difference between the two.

I don't think you were called to be a charismatic preacher, and I think that's fine. The old Dominican doctrine is "preach always; use words when necessary." Your best preaching happens when you live a life of righteousness and thereby serve as a much needed model for the many people who are secretly longing for some anchor in their life. If one person - just one - asks you about the reason for your confidence, you will have done more good than all the street corner preaching that's ever been done. Preachers are a dime a dozen; people who quietly live a holy life without fanfare are pure gold.

Like my friend, you may be laboring under something of a handicap. God has apparently called you to be introspective, analytical and rationalistic. I sympathize because I know from experience that if I was required to fellowship with my fellow parishioners in "Bible Studies" my very slight reservior of charity would be sorely tried. I am fortunate that my faith accommodates rationalists like me, as well as mystics, and I have been able to form a Communio community with similarly minded people. That group is not a substitute for involvement in the church, it is for me, however, a necessary supplement.

We all have our crosses to bear, but we are not required to seek them out or suffer them needlessly.

[Joel Thomas]

I don't know how constructive it is to claim that "preachers are a dime a dozen" but I get the point. Anyway, lawyers are a nickel a dozen and the price is dropping fast. ;-)

I do agree that a life of right-relationship with God that then leads to the modeling of Christian behavior is more effective witness than words.

[Peter Sean Bradley]

Joel,

Ha! A lawyer joke! Stop it, my sides are hurting!

While lawyers are "a nickel a dozen and the price is falling fast", lawyers who "are Christ to their clients" - and they are out there - are pure gold.

Being a lawyer is a calling, but so is being an accountant, a mechanic or a police officer, etc. etc. The happiest people are those who listen to and follow their callings. Walter M. Miller Jr. in a Canticle for Liebowitz had a funny line where Brother Gerard worried about his vocation, likening himself to a cat who believed that he had been called to be an onithologist when he had only been called to be an orniphage.

But I think it is a good thing that, notwithstanding our mutually disparaging views of lawyers and preachers respectively, we both agree with the wisdom of St. Francis - "Preach Always, When Necessary Use Words." (Although apparently St. Francis may not have uttered exactly those words. Hmm, I learn something new everytime I blog.)

[Joel Thomas]

A young lawyer was called home to the pearly gates at the tender age of 32. He said he was confused, that he was healthy, hadn't been in an accident or abused his body. "Oh, I'm sorry, St. Peter replied, your legal hourly billing records were sent to us by mistake and they indicated you would have to be at least 132 by now. We thought you needed a rest."

My last lawyer joke.

[Peter Sean Bradley]

I had a boss like that.

I think he was the guy reesponsible for the apocryphal story of the attorney who billed 27 hours in a 24 hour day by travelling east to west.

[Mark Byron]

It's nice to see you (Bradley and Thomas) two getting along nicely for a change. Not that long ago, you two were engaged in a bit of a rhetorical brawl in my comment section.

I'm also learning to use my spirit (as it communicates with the Spirit) more and my intelect less; that's a work in process.