I try to be as transparent as possible, but this one is hard; I got fired on Wednesday from my college teaching job, effective immediately. At least I don't have to deal with the long goodbye of my Warner gig, where my contract wasn't renewed and I was a lame duck from March through May.
In the long term, it seems to be for the best. I have struggled with depression and anxiety most of my life, and it makes it hard for me to be "on" in the classroom for long stretches and hard to focus on grading papers.
It's been a stretch for me to hold the 6-9:40 classes that an adult-ed night schedule calls for; stress-induced asthma sometimes kicked in to cut things short and panic attacks without breathing problems hit at other times. Many nights, I had to resort to pointing students to a previously recorded podcast because I wasn't up to teaching that night.
The three weeks out with bronchitis was the last straw for the powers that be; I wasn't delivering the goods I was being hired to do, as much as I was trying to.
I still have my on-line finance tutoring gig; right now, it's one night a week for this term, but I'll be up to 20-hours a week in a 9PM-1AM slot starting in January. That's not enough to keep all the bills paid, but it will at least bring in enough cash to pay the basics.
I don't think I'm cut out to be a classroom teacher. I have the intellect for it and the caring, but not the persona. That's hard to accept, especially when I went on to get a doctorate to do just that.
Now, that PhD tends to hang like an albatross on my resume. "Why do I want to hire a PhD for [insert entry-level business job]?" is the question my resume gets when it shows up; I have talent, but I don't fit the mold. Somehow, I have to get someone to look past that and give me a chance, and I have to have the courage and confidence to try to find that person.
Yes, God is in control, but barring a word of knowledge, I have to jump through the normal job-hoops.
Any practical suggestions? Even better, any job leads that you could vouch for personally where you might be able to get my foot in the door for an interview. I'm in Lexington, KY but could relocate for the right position.
I'm good with spreadsheets, can program in Visual Basic and a little C++ and have business schooling up the wazoo (PhD and MBA in Finance and BBA in Accounting along with a BS in Political Science) and have worked as an accountant for three years, albeit in a hospital finance setting that falls through the standard AR/AP/Payroll/GL slots that accounting positions generally look for.
I have a lot of people in the Peanut Gallery who care deeply about me and I take comfort in that. I'll need to take more comfort in that as the give-and-take on current events I got from my students and colleagues at work is now gone.
Mark--- so sorry to hear about this. We will be praying for you and Eileen. Since we are currently in the midst of our own season of transition and rethinking our suppositions about the way the story was supposed to play out, we can pray with some deep understanding and empathy...blessings...David
Posted by: David Head | November 20, 2009 at 09:02 PM
Praying for you and Eileen, Mark.
Posted by: Matt Brown | November 21, 2009 at 12:42 AM
My first practical suggestion would be for you to take care of yourself. Fully recover from this last bout of illness, don't make any hasty decisions and let your friends care for you.
My next piece of practical advice would be to listen to yourself, you are smart, caring and I am so sorry, there have been a lot of blows for you. I respect your courage in sharing this, I'll pray you can get a job which doesn't make you ill.
You are not alone.
As someone who has dealt with panic attacks since I was a kid, I can identify. We're unique and have to learn find ways to work through and work around what is a puzzlement to others. What makes the panic and seemingly failures even harder is beating ourselves up. While medication and support help, I've had to listen to my body and mind and find jobs where I could function freely.
Posted by: Bene Diction | November 21, 2009 at 02:31 PM
You are very far from alone to the point where too many cannt help. Best of luck with the hunt. Be thankful you are not fighting the economy in Michigan and our bleeping Governor.
Relax during the holidays to put your ducks in a row first before acting too much.
Posted by: alan | November 23, 2009 at 12:49 PM
Dr. B,
You will be sadly missed by a few good students that thrived under your guidance. You made learning fun and exciting! Never in a million years would I have believed that I would carry a book of finance terms in my purse and be proud of that! I can now read a 10-k and truly know what is going on with a company. Thank- you for giving me a desire to learn beyond what the books had printed in them. I will keep my eyes and ears open for local jobs and let you know if anything comes my way. I am already missing our lively conversations.
Gina
Posted by: Gina Manley | December 14, 2009 at 01:50 PM