Here's some light fiction for a Monday morning-
To no one's surprise, Ukraine's autonomous Crimea region has voted overwhelmingly to break off from Ukraine and join Russia to join Russia. But what happens next is far from certain.
An overwhelming 96.7% of Crimea chose the option of annexation by Moscow. Turnout was 83%.
Last week, I said "The bigger the number, the higher the middle-digit is held in the air to the rest of the world by Putin." It looks like he gave use the bird with both hands, telling us to do an pair of unnatural acts at the same time.
Given that the Crimea is at least a third non-Russian, getting a 96.7% figure would need to be fictional or under duress, where no-voters were escorted to a gulag afterwards.